S.S.Puke
I was rather over excited at arriving in Middle Earth so Auckland was something of a disappointment. Neither green shire or the depths of Mordor, although there is a suspicious ‘Sky Tower’ strangely eye shaped that people were being regularly thrown off of (for which they had to pay, which is where I think Saruman was missing a trick). In fact people were hurling themselves off a range of buildings, it seems an abundance of extreme sports traversing their epic mountainous landscape is not quite enough for a Kiwi? Oh no, finding themselves in an urban environment any large structure is seen as an excellent opportunity for a near death experience.
I politely excused myself from such excursions, paying to jump off a bridge with an elastic band tied to my feet so my knee caps could dislocate and heart stop beating was, I decided, a little excessive (especially when I could just wait for the Russians to invade England and these activities would be free of charge). Instead I headed to the bay, walked around the quay, took a few little ferry rides and found myself at the New Zealand Maritime Museum.
I recommend a visit to the Maritime museum, it isn’t huge but really well thought out with engaging displays ranging from the original Maori canoes to round the world yacht race entries. I was there essentially because I had read about a special boat that I was very excited to see. In fact at the museum they have daily sailings of a few historic vessels which they keep in working order and take out on the harbour. The vessel I was keen to have a jaunt on was the Steam Ship Puke. Yes. That’s right, the S.S. Puke. (Locally pronounced pook-e, still, amusing to read none the less.)
Puke is reputed to be New Zealand’s oldest steamboat, built in 1870 her original purpose was for small towing jobs on the Kaipara Harbour. She was salvaged from the Tammi river in 1977, lovingly restored and has carried out a range of duties ever since. She now resides pride of place in the museums fleet. I couldn’t wait to sail in her. However my spirits dropped when I saw the sign outside:
Puke, having a rest?! My hopes dashed I bought a ticket anyway and had a wander round. Apart from, as I say, the wonderful little museum I soon became quite relieved about today’s sailings when I eventually saw the boat. Puke is very small. Really small. I mean tiny. In fact if I hadn’t already seen pictures of people in her I would have decided she was either a large model, a child’s boat or remote controlled toy. The thought of me lumbering on board and us promptly sinking fast was enough to transform any sense of disappointment to that of sheer relief.
The S.S. Puke, having a rest. . .
Auckland is large and sprawling and although I wasn’t taken with the town centre the suburbs are lovely. The whole area is interspersed with inlets, lakes, beaches, islands and old volcanoes. I was staying in the East with Air BnB host Lisa, her Uber bright daughter Caitlin and Perky (a gorgeous soppy old dogcat who would beg for crisps but took no real interest in living up to his name). Lisa was kind enough to take me on a little tour of the area and we walked up the local Mount Wellington (an old dormant volcano). The view was amazing, as Auckland sits in the narrowest part of New Zealand you could literally see to the Tasman Sea in the east and the Pacific Ocean in the West.
View from Mt Wellington to Rangitoto, the youngest and largest of Auckland’s 48 volcanic cones.
Papamoa & Mount Maunganui
I only have two weeks in middle earth so after an introduction to Auckland I hopped on the intercity bus and headed south to the wonderfully named ‘Bay of Plenty’. Well. I don’t know what to say, but yet again on my adventures I was faced with dreary, lack lustre view after view. It’s painful to talk about but I had to spend a whole day on Papamoa Beach. Reading, swimming, sleeping. So awful.
The mountain you can see in the distance is the peek of Mt Maunganui, Mauao, which stands at the north end of the Bay of Plenty. The Maori legend of the hill is sad but beautiful. In brief the nameless hill was in love with the captivating hill, Puwhena, but her heart had already been won by Otanewainku, the great hill, so the nameless one called for his dark fairy friends (patupaiarehe) to help him die. They drew big ropes around his neck and dragged him out to sea (gorging out the Waimapu river) but before he was overcome in the waves the morning sun rose and the dark fairies retreated back to the depths of the forest. The patupaiarehe decided to name him Mauao ‘caught by the dawn’. In time he grew in prestige, marking the entrance to the harbour and he now stands as the symbol of all tribes of Tauranga Moana.
It’s a very special place and you can see why it is so important to the local Maori tribes and the people who live here. You can climb to the peek or walk the circumference, I decided for my knees sake, I’d do the latter.
Te Puke
Te Puke is a little town at the heart of kiwi fruit growing country. It’s only 8km or so from Papamoa but getting there on public transport is like organising logistics for the entire England team to get to the Gold Coast. Buses went, but only in the afternoon (?) and then only twice. So you can get there but unless you want to stay the night you only have an hour and a half before the last bus back. It was however my only chance, so I took it.
It didn’t take long however for me to realise that an hour and a half would be more than enough time to see the place. Te Puke had seen better days. Essentially the town is a strip of shops, banks and eateries along a main highway. The shop fronts are tatty, it has that abandoned seaside town feel, rundown and weirdly quiet. A few undesirables sitting around listlessly, staring at cars passing. There was one cafe that looked decent and possibly not run by zombies, so I decided if I needed refuge, that was my safe house.
However shabby Te Puke was though, it didn’t disappoint in the immature humour stakes, as Te Puke is written on all sorts of signs across town. Again pronounced locally ‘pook-e’ it means ‘hill’, but of course to an idiot like me it reads vomit everywhere and after a while I was even amusing myself by adjusting my photos to cut off the ‘te’ on signs. So it just read Puke. Puke Food Hut being a favourite. Thus giggling quietly whilst watching out for zombies I made my way round town.
However the closer you looked the more there was to this old town, a beautiful 1930/40’s cinema, still in use, a smart looking memorial hall and a modern library.
The library looked inviting it was also the tourist information centre so I ventured in. My curiosity was immediately rewarded with the discovery of an ex library books sale. At 50 cents each quite a bargain but what delighted me more was the fact I could own a book which had Puke Library stamped inside the cover.
As I was choosing my books I could hear a fracure breaking out behind the bookcases, a great deal of swearing grew louder and more aggressive. The librarian called to a colleague ‘we might need the police’. I decided to walk slowly away from the area as it sounded like a fight might at any moment break out. Then suddenly a large workman appeared and walked straight towards the trouble. As he got closer I realised it was a woman, short grey cropped hair, but definitely female and looking determined. She reprimanded the huge Maori youth who had lost it, told him to leave but followed him out to make sure he was calm and ok, returned to check on a young female backpacker who had been stuck in the fray at a computer then cooly joked with the librarian to look after her ‘readers’ before she left out the back doors, got in her refuse truck and drove off. It was the most impressive display of cool diplomacy I think I’ve ever seen.
After that excitement I walked quickly back to the bus stop, keen not to miss the last bus out of town! Behind the shabby main street was a rather lovely park, complete with beautiful artwork and carvings.
It seemed like a completely different place, not threatening, not run down, but calm and rather beautiful. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt for being so judgemental of the old place. But I should know that appearances can be deceiving, wether you drive the bin lorry or are an old farming town if you look carefully you will find treasure everywhere. . .
Very serious adventures.com 